Editor’s Note: E. Victoria Lee is a published author and spiritual teacher. In 2000, she wrote “Secrets in the Soul,” which is now available on Amazon.com. A fellow traveler, we are honored to have her guest blog on soberhelpnow.net.

Session #6 – Developing a Higher Belief System About ME (My Energy)

From Workbook on Healing the Inner Child/Self (Updated, © 2009)

Written by E. Victoria Lee, D.D., Author, Los Angeles (sobriety date 10/21/1981)

On October 21, 2012, I was granted the spiritual privilege of celebrating 31 years of recovery from mind altering substances and abuse of any kind. I am most grateful that I had enough fortitude and a strong desire for my walk into the light of sobriety and living a sober life has been very, very good to me. This does not mean I have not experienced pain, discomfort, fear and loss of many types: my spouse and I separated and divorced after 20+ years of marriage although we were both sober; my eldest adult son to AIDS; my middle adult daughter died of colon cancer; my father died when I was 15 and today I know my reactions to his death never healed until I had been sober for some years; and my mother died at the age of 97. Needless to say, I still grieved tremendously and often have periods of sadness even today. Yet my work in sponsoring and being sponsored, as a certified life coach/counselor has not always helped me with my problems, so I turn to someone else to provide those same services to me in my need beyond just what the program has taught me. I suggest that the program works better for me along with the professional counselling I have been humble enough to go into as needed. It is a privilege to counsel others and allow others to counsel me. And, for that that I am grateful, having grown stronger in my daily experience of insight and ability, and staying sober in body, spirit and mind. Keep coming back.

Now on to your Assignment: How to Move into Mature Adulthood and Away from Remnants of Childhood Fears.

THOUGHT: “Today I will begin establish a gate between my childish emotions and my adult mind.”

STEPS TO TAKE TOWARD MATURE ADULTHOOD: It takes more than education, a job or career, sustaining oneself and others, or being the size and shape of an adult. It takes growing up emotionally through learning, recognizing and stopping childish behaviors cloaked in an adult body. And, above all it takes courage to be a well rounded adult with grown up behaviors and reactions. This is why 12-step programs are so successful in providing a roadmap for living and guidance. It does not strong arm one into sobriety, but gently lays out a guide to growing up all other again in all ways and as often as it takes for growth to be achieved. And, it does it without judgment of what it has taken or will take for one to succeed.

In sobriety I found the following helped me to grow UP thoroughly and when I falter, I go back to writing on one or all of the following. I have been a successful member practicing 12 steps and 12 traditions, growing beyond my greatest dreams, more and more every 24 hours in the day. I hope you will dare follow just a wee bit of what I have found necessary to stay sober, more comfortably, one day at a time for 31 years.

1. Write on recognizing emotional conflict within yourself.

2. Write on how you are working to dismiss denial about what really happened in the past, even if it was yesterday.

3. Write on how you have begun resolution of negative feelings by tuning into ones spiritual needs (uncovering one’s inner child’s hurts, fears, unresolved issues confronting you today) through following 12 step principles and attending meetings regularly; writing often on issues that you are confronting and then sharing these with a trusted person, i.e., sponsor, counselor, minister; attending spiritual workshops and retreats, building a support system of friends who promote self-worth; taking part in a support groups in the area where you have the most difficulty growing up, even if it is all out psychological therapy when necessary.

4. Write on how you have deceived yourself, lying about “it really wasn’t all that awful.” How are you  learning to accept that it may just have been so and prepare to escape the grasp of your past? How can you begin to erase the fears and grief of what your life had been and kept you caught up in addiction and addictive behaviors? How can and will changing your outlook stop the effects of negative behavior in your life one day at a time?

5. How can you work at stopping people and situations from repeatedly abusing you and keep in place abuse patterns inflicted in childhood (abusive intimacy behavior such a arguing all the time, belittling, cheating on, sexual acting out, feelings of inadequacies, hiding feelings, wearing masks of deception, manipulation, etc.

**Happy Growth Can Be Yours, but you must work for it.