Editor”s Note: E. Victoria Lee is a published author and spiritual teacher. In 2000, she wrote “Secrets in the Soul,” which is now available on Amazon.com. A fellow traveler, we are honored to have her guest blog on soberhelpnow.net.

Session 3: Developing a Higher Belief System About ME (My Energy)

From Workbook on Healing the Inner Child/Self (Updated (c) 2009)

Written by E. Victoria Lee, D.D., Author, Los Angeles (sobriety date 10/21/1981)

As a 30 year practicing 12 stepper who is also a Life Coach, this time, I”d like you to inspect your thinking process deeper through some narratives. Read the following which may not be your exact experience but look for the truth as it is revealed to you herein. I hope it which brings further meaning for kickstarting a deeper understanding of life through the eyes of this REnewed life you are earning in sobriety.

THOUGHTS:

“I just want to stop this tugging feeling in my stomach and the hunger to use something if not more than to calm my nerves. It feels like a nervous mixture of excitement and fear. I”ll be so glad when this anxiety goes away. Inventory? Now I”m truly in an unknown territory – looking inside myself. I”ve heard that”s it is the best place to start.” Wish I”d been taught how to do this growing up, but who knew how in my life? Everybody just did what they were taught and I knew no better than to follow the path of others.”

I”ve been told, “Once you begin to find yourself, it will get easier to pinpoint what made you jeopardize your life and less likely to go back there again. That feeling in your stomach? It won”t be nearly as bad.”

“All I know is I”m a bundle of edgy nerves. I”ve made such a mess of my life. I feel pretty creepy right now. I know I’m an alcoholic/addict. Drugs of choice? Shall I begin with alcohol, perhaps cocaine, or anything that takes me out of living as the truth of myself? With all my addiction to substances staring me in the face from my inventories, I”m feeling my gut issues surfacing. Who”s that talking in my head? Could it be that deep in my core there is a scared little child drowning in a deep well of sadness. I abandoned her/him for alcohol/dope, sex and other unsavory things. Today, I’m willing to promise online casino that I’ll be more available to her/him from now on one day at a time. I really mean it. Higher Power help me stay true to my sobriety.”

“My being often alternates between the peace of practicing surrender with the shrieking awareness of uncontrolled sadness. I “m working hard at surrendering daily, yet some days I just want to give up. I don”t know if it”s enough, but today I am making my best effort to turn over both my character defects and assets to the Creator. Most days I”m not so sure I even recognize them. Guess I must listen harder at meetings. I know when I”m there it seems I learn more about myself. Dear HP, I ask only that it is revealed to me what is needed of me to have ME live soberly in each twenty-four hours.”

“Right now, I wish somebody would close their arms around me like when I was little and hold me like I wish Mama could have. How I”d treasure that so much, but since tI don”t think hat will be happening, I”ll wrap my arms around me! (Pause to do this, revel in your self hugging) I really wanted that feeling so long and now I know why hugs feel so good at meetings. They remind me of what I never had in recognition of my worth as a child and they are given without expectation of any kind from me. Today with the help of my HP and members in the program, I will stay sober!”

Assignment #3-Now having read the above narratives from my book , “Secrets in the Soul,” which chronicles the process of one person”s recovery, what feelings came forth for you from the personal writings? Capture them right now in your journal. It can all be even better for a body than milk! And…you”ve just added more life details your own story of recovery. More in a few days. Until then, Stay Sober and connect with your Higher Power